wiped out and dumm-dum

May11

 

Damn. Woke up to birds pecking at the roof over my head, scratching around all over it. Rolled over three or four times, then watched as the sun lit the corner of the curtains. Might as well squeeze out of bed, I've been suppressing this pee for hours now. Scramble out from the foxhole and struggle to get my housecoat n sherpa socks on fast. It's cold! There's rime on the grasses and pick up stick ice on the puddles. In the bathroom there's a sign that says you must keep your pets quiet and under control at all times. Where is my pen, I would like that to say 'children' instead.

I sip my coffee on my step all wrapped up, watching and listening to the birds on the lake. I want to get a move on, get back down out of this cold and into the coastal atmosphere. I remember I have over a quarter tank of gas and look at the maps. It's only about 100kms to the bottom of that big hill and the next marked town. So it is on. I get driving and the concrete ends as soon as Anahim does, just metres further than I drove last night. The gravel road is really good, smooth. Going eighty is easy so far, but my truck still mostly wants to go seventy. After about 18 kms, I hit a good bump. The camper begins its vibrations, and -fuck!... my gas gauge has dropped to the empty line. Awe shits. Still driving, I try to estimate how far I've gone. Fifteen minutes at seventy, well damn that is only...awe, I'll never make it. Turn around, back to the high plains, dirty town. I park next to the gas pumps, I see they open at eight Monday to Friday, and it is ten to. But it's Sunday, so I'll be waiting... until ten?! Awe damn. And no reception... and my computer battery is dying too, so no flicks. Just sitting in the cold. Least I got my ipod to sing to. Toes are numb, everything is so cold. I sit in the sun when it comes and eat some crackers and cheese. A few of the dogs that jog past as though they're going somewhere smell the cheese and congregate. When I talk to the closest one, he growls at me. But he ducks his head, weaves away and around the back of me. I worried for a minute that they'll get the pack thing going, but there are only two of them now, some others jogged off like I'd been holding them up on their way to work, and the one other old dog that stayed has laid down in the sun. This lil furry one is eyeing me. He brings me a stick after sniffing the air all around me. Obviously he smelt that I love him and I'm the throwing type.

The gas station opens at ten. I have a laugh reading the paper sign on the door that says that the hours change tomorrow, eight to eight. Of course. I play solitaire sitting in the cab cos it's warmer in there, and talk to myself. Some people come and go, walking, but most everyone rides quads here. The police scan me as they roll past. The heavy eye. I get a bad feeling about that one. 10:11 Finally, it is open and I'm on my way. Old school pumps, bathroom out of order. This place is gnar. Fly back down the good gravel highway, looking for the spot I turned around at. There isn't any real elevation gain to meet Heckman Pass, which I was worried for.

Then “The Hill” begins and it's steeeeeeeep and awesome. I can see the road following the mountainsides over and away. I go into second gear, but that's not slowing me enough, so I use my low gear for the first time ever. Thirty is just fine here, there is no traffic pushing me around, and the drop on the one side gets to be thousands of feet at some places. Thirty is just fine. I stop and say hello to what may be a grizzly bear. He flaps his lips at me, so I raspberry him back and roll on. After the first set of switchbacks, I wonder, is that all? But there are more. The immensity of this drop is overwhelming but I am at the bottom, back to concrete, before I know it. Weaving along, following the river. The road is bouncy and lovely. Big trees, I'm still in Tweedsmuir park. Every one of the provincial rec sites down here is also gated and closed.

The mountains are steep on both sides of me and I wind through between them out of the narrowest beginnings of the fjord. Three miles wide at it's widest point, the rest of the valley is more narrow than that. Everyone who passes me waves. I keep waving back too late and wonder, do they know who I am? Are they super excited to have tourists? What is this? Before I know it I pass Hagensburg and am in the downtown core of Bella Coola, pulling up on the reins suddenly. This is it? But I can barely see the water!

All I can think of is peeing and eating and how grimy and tired I feel after only a two hour drive. My brain is mushy and panicked without proper breakfast. I pee, I eat, I let G and Y know that I'm here. Y says he is coming to meet me and I groan a little since I feel so yucky. No one should have to meet me right now, I think, and wish I could just shower and nap. He takes me to a nice waterfall and beach, out past the ferry and government dock. I notice no seatbelts, no speed limit. The waterfall is awesome, and I can see that it's a good swim spot when the water isn't raging like it is now. I roll my ankle stepping off the viewing platform but just a little and I don't feel like making a deal about it. He brings me back to my camper and invites me to the Williams Field Mothers Day BBQ, but I am too wiped out and dumm-dum, so I crawl up for a nap. Of course I can't sleep, my ankle kills! I want to see this whole place. I know I cannot socialize right now, not really. And now I cannot walk either, so I lay there up in my camper for an hour, using my new phone's data; such novelty!

 

Head back down the valley to my supervisor, G's house. She is making a turkey dinner and I'm so excited to eat again. She had mentioned that she was getting another mower and when I arrive I'm not sure if anyone is home, there's no car in the driveway, but the lawn is halfway mowed, so I put my gumboots on and start one of the two mowers. I need to get physical, I've been sitting for too long. I go to my happy mowing/moving place, using my whole body to push this old crappy (compared to my old commercial one) mower around the bumpy yard. Oh, I enjoy this. In no time there's a wiggly bodied black lab shifting from foot to foot looking up at me, so excited. Hello hello hello hello hello he says. I stop the mower and say hello to him and G. Have a glass of wine and chat, G talks about the differences between Bella Coola and Bella Bella. She find higher rates of obesity, blood sugar levels, just poorer health in general in Bella Bella. She thinks they have the same access to care, resources, and food over there as they do here, but people manage better here. She mentions that there feels like there is more cultural connection over here, and more groups and programs to help people deal with the effects of colonization like the sexual abuse and losses. In Bella Bella, she tells me, they don't want to talk about that stuff. Classic example of our secrets making us sicker. 

Some neighbors and old friends come over, and with a mug of vodka in one hand, this guy helps me to mow some more. I feel good having got a sweat on, and comfortable in the company of easy people. Finally, I shower. When I washed my hands at lunch, the black water didn't stop coming off of them for two soaps, I can only imagine my body is much the same. We eat, I listen to the three of them tell stories about this place, they have been here for more than twenty years, lost loved ones to the ocean, and pieces of property to the natural disasters like fires and floods that came in '09 and '10. Glenda and I are going to dry some seaweed in Bella Bella for sauces and salty snack flakes! Then I finally get to lay my body down. I'm so excited to be here. My head is a mess, though. Too tired for so much excitement!

 PO Box 752